Andy from New Orleans said "Close only counts in blowjobs & mousetraps..." as I missed another shot on the pooltable at the Triple Nickel & I laughed & laughed...

posted by jeremy on November 20, 2005

Mood update: PDX has actually been kind to me these last few days, work smoothing out & the skies crisp & blue, the attentions of this girl or that one, laughter with friends, late night, the sting of decent whiskey. Joy creeps back in, fades, returns like a low but very important tide. Shift & shimmer, hate & wait, the dreams I've spoken of already, the drowning of New Orleans, they don't come so often anymore. It's been a couple of months now. Maybe it's all getting better. Maybe it is.

The annual turkey massacre is upon us, 2006 slouches, waiting to be born. I drink coffee, I read the New York Times & I happily let sunlight burn my eyes, dissolve my weak hangover. Last night I dreamed of reading Stephen Hawking's A Brief History of Time & understanding its implications more than I ever have. (I've read the goddam book at least 3 times & I'm still baffled by many of its main precepts & postulates.) & Now I sit here, scanning this array of daily world-thrown events & considering how it all touches, how it all connects, how everything in the entire fucking universe touches everything else. There is no inbetween, there is no nothing or if there is, it isn't here.

& The Earth tightens, grows smaller in this age of cheap airfare, cellphones & the internet creeping even into the 3rd world. Waves spread out from the source & we all feel them, these tsunamis, these casual ripples in the global socio-economic system. The impact of disaster, of war, of treaty & contract, union & balkanization. I welcome whatever it is that is happening, I want to get into it, thru it, past it. I want the future to be hopeful, for me, for you, for everyone. Above all, I want the future to be there.

Sometimes I forget how real this life is. How really really real. I go thru my days as though this were a test drive, a scrimmage, a book I could always read again if I chose to... But nope, cowboy, this is it. The Real Deal, the Actual Mccoy.

& I know, I know I better chase her, ask her to dance before she gets away.

I have to remember this & so should you.