Sitting on the couch watching COPS with my police sergeant brother PJ is not necessarily uncomfortable, it just seems to be brewing with ironic undertones.
posted by nate on March 27, 2003
The cops on the television are arresting my people. I'm sitting with my brother, who fines and arrests people like me every day. I'm fairly sure that he knows I am a bundle of misdemeanors and felonies waiting to be exposed. And yet here we are sitting comfortably next to each other, drinking beer. One must learn to exist with these ironies and contradictions. Life is brewing with them. If these conflicts couldn't co-exist in my brain, I'd quickly break.
I'd also break if I got fucked by being in just the wrong place and just the wrong time, suddenly immersed in courtroom drama, jail time and immense fines. It really only takes a tiny moment to suddenly be exposed as being on the wrong side of the law. And if the great eyeball of American justice were to beam down upon me, I know I'd be fucked. They'd scoop me up and drop me in a cell. One moment I'd be "unconventional," and the next a "criminal." The thing is, most people would have a lot to answer for if and when they're caught with their lawful pants down. Among the multitude of laws we've laid down to govern ourselves, we all break or bend some every day.
How did my brother and I become so different? Our parents are a mishmash of both of our characters. PJ seems to have gone the extreme of mish and I the extreme of mash, if you will. He's married and has 2 kids, a dog, 3 cars, owns a home in the burbs of Bend, is patriotic, eats meat regularly, watches lots of boob-tube, etc. I am single, rent a shabby little hovel in the ghetto of Portland, own a bike, eat mostly vegan, am suddenly looking fondly at Canada, and walk through life accompanied by a doofus of a drooling cat. Our differences go on and on; we're not only polar opposites on our side of the law. But these *cough* lifestyle choices don't keep us from being brothers. I love my brother: he's an amazing person. We survived 18 years of living together in the same room, in bunk beds for christ's sake. But for some reason, I can remember very little of our time living together.
My childhood seems completely separate from who I am now, as if the vague memories are implants belonging to someone else. Emerging from the cocoon of public school, incubated in the bubbling, stupid social cauldron until ripe for rebirth, I managed to eviscerate all memories of my previous existence. Is the secret to our differences hidden in these lost memories? I assume so.
I'm fascinated that my brother is able to be a cop, a position I know I'd be unable to fill. I decided to ride the gray dog over to Bend to pick his brain. Finding it awkward to interview my own brother, I managed to put it off until the last night of my visit. With three beers down and a commercial break chattering in the background, I broke out my first question:
When did you know you wanted to become a cop?
Early in high school.. Probably my freshman year. I can't really nail down the exact time but sometime in highschool.. and the next question that usually follows that is: Why?. (laughs) That usually goes along with that, and to tell you the truth I don't really know. The standard answer, which I've even given, is I like to help people. I've always been kind of.. Well not always.. Almost all my life, I've been kind of an anti-drug person, especially when I got into bicycle freestyle and dancing.
Do you feel like your character has changed since you've been a cop?
Um--yes. I think it changed for the worst at one time, but I realized it and turned it back around. I am more myself now than when I first got into this job. 'Cause it works.
Being yourself?
Yep. And to give you an example: when I first got into law enforcement, I took the hard-ass attitude: "I'm the law and you'll do what I say." And then I realized that if I give somebody respect, you know, no matter who they are, that I get respect back.
I've arrested people I've given respect to, and they've thanked me when they got to jail.
Why'd they thank you?
For being a cool cop. I have kids that are teenagers that feel comfortable talking to me, 'cause they know I don't bullshit 'em. I'm pretty straight up with them, I give 'em respect. I'll tell 'em how it is. They know if they screw up that I'm going to do my job. But I'm still cool with 'em.
Do you ever feel guilty arresting someone?
I don't know, I.. Not really 'cause usually it's.. All the time there's a reason they're getting arrested. They did something wrong. They broke they law and if it's borderline, there's other routes we can take. I can write up a report and send it to the DA's office and they can decide what to do. They ultimately make the charging decision anyway. But, now, you hear people-- somebody that says I just found out my girlfriend is pregnant and I needed money to take her to the doctor, to get a checkup. And so I had to.. I stole some items and pawned 'em to get the money. That's a sad story, a sad case, and it's usually legit, but .. It's the wrong decision. I feel bad for them, more than feeling bad for arresting them.
What has been the most difficult moment of your career as a policeman?
I don't know if there's one I can come up with. In general it's dealing with children. Being abused, being involved with motor vehicle crashes. We don't call 'em accidents anymore: nothing's an accident, it's always caused by something. There's usually human error involved, so it's a crash. Ultimately that's what it is. There's going to be exceptions of course. A deer, a tree falling on your car.
The most difficult part of my job is .. Generally as a police officer, is anything dealing with children being hurt, being abused, or neglected.
Yeah I could imagine that, 'cause there's nothing you can do.
Well, I always do everything that I can. But just seeing that is hard.
Police are often criticised for abusing the power they have over citizens. Is there an instance where you feel like you've done this?
Umm.. Honestly? I can't think of any case that I've done that. I work really hard to avoid that. We even talked about the gratuity thing, you know, accepting discounts. (Earlier in the day we had talked about how he gets offers for things for being a cop and how he has to decline.) It even gets as simple as that. As simple as someone wanting to show their thanks by giving me a like a gift certificate or a free cup of coffee. Something like that. Especially after September 11 you got a lot of that. A lot of people wanting to give discounts and freebies, but it's an ethics violation.
What positive aspects has being a cop offered?
Best part about being a cop is being to help people. You hear all the time it's a thankless job. It's because you don't get a lot of thanks for the things you do.
Especially being a police officer you have more people hate you than like you.
The greatest moments are when somebody appreciates what you're doing and either says that or puts it in writing.
Like that article? (A recent article in a local paper about a handicapped girl who saved her parents after they fell in an icy pond by yelling (she couldn't talk). My brother had presented an award to her on behalf of the department.)
Yeah. Makes the job completely worthwhile. I try to go the extra mile. In my job I can go out and I can just do my job and go onto the next call. Or, I can go the extra mile and make sure that, for example, a victim is taken care of after the fact by checking in with 'em. Make sure they're alright. You know, a follow up. It makes me feel good to do something extra. Because you see, a lot of time when I do that you see surprise on people's face, and that makes it worth it. "Wow: that police officer did something i'd never expect him to do."
How would you change the police force if you could?
Make it more public relations. More customer service oriented. And I actually am changing that, one officer at a time, because I am a field training officer. I train recruits and I try to show 'em how rewarding and how well it works with the job. Because, not only is it rewarding, you gain a lot of people in the community that respect you and will call to you if they have info, or a problem. It can definitely work in your favor.
For example, If I contact somebody and I'm a dick to 'em, just straightforward: "Here's your citation, have a nice day." I'm sure a lot of people have heard that. I go on, do my job. Couple months down the road, come to a crime scene, I talk to that person to try to get some info: nothing. But, If you go back to the original contact and I'm cool to them, I explain what's going on.. I'm not saying I shouldn't write them a citation, but there's a way to do it.. still show respect. Tell them their options and how they can take care of it, you know, be cool about it. Same thing, that crime scene comes around agaiThey remember you as that cop that acted like not the standard everyday cop, and they'll trust you and would give you info that you wanted to know. So both people win off that.
You know what drives me crazy? Parents making kids afraid of cops.
You get that a lot?
I get that a ton. I come up into a parking lot and I'll hear a parent talking to their child, "You better get in that seat belt or the police officer will take you to jail!" It scares the kid into wearing a seatbelt, yes, but it also teaches the kid to be afraid of the badge. Where the kid should be comfortable with the police officer in uniform, should feel comfortable coming up to a police officer to get help.
How do you get along with the officers you supervise?
(Smile, pause) That varies. As a supervisor I try to be "one of the guys." I don't try to be somebody that you can't come talk to, that you have to worry being around, talking to. I try to be one of the officers and that works most of the time. But the problem with that is getting respect as an authority figure. So sometimes I have to be a hardass to gain the respect. I have a problem because I always want to make everbody happy and I can't do that, so there are officers that I get along with better than others.
I think we share that trait of trying to make everyone happy. It just doesn't work.
It's usually the officers that don't respect my authority that I don't get along with. And that's not a quote (laughs) from that stupid cartoon (laughs) "You will respect my authoritai!"
Oh, South Park!
Yeah, it's not a South Park quote.
That's a hilarious episode. You know I never liked that show until I saw the movie. 'Course we did nearly finish a fifth of whiskey during the course of the movie. (Laughs)
Are you comfortable in a boss-figure role?
There's definitely downsides. About.. I don't know.. (He turns to his wife) Jamie, how often do you think I hit the burnout stage? Every 3-4 months?
Jamie: Lately. Used to be once a year, but since you became Sergeant, about every four months.
What's the burnout stage?
Burnout stage is when I don't enjoy my job anymore. I'm ready to give it up. It's not worth being there. It's gotten bad to the point to where I've thought about giving up law enforcement.
What leads you to that?
I got into law enforcement for law enforcement. I've worked my way up to where I'm second in command, and now I do more administrative than I do law enforcement.
So a lot of time in the office..
Yeah. I'm also considered assistant chief, I'm a firearms instructor, training coordinator, I'm in charge of the evidence room which means I'm the evidence tech, I'm a field training officer. I've got a lot on my plate, with not a lot of time on the road. Which..
Is why you got into it?
Yeah. The other part.. What brings me back, well, there's probably a couple things. I change things. I go out on patrol to kind of ground myself. I try to delegate some of my stuff, which I'm not real good at doing. As a supervisor, I'm usually uncomfortable with delegating 'cause I wanna show them that I'm not above doing all these different jobs. I'm not just gonna hand them down. I don't usually delegate. But to get back on track I do, and give myself some time on the road. And also the fact that there's not a whole lot else I can do to make the money I make to support my family. To live the way I live now.
Yeah, having a family definitely puts you in a position where you have to be more concerned with a steady income.
Like I was saying to you earlier, the more you make, the more you spend. And then you still live paycheck to paycheck. I want my family to live comfortably. I think we do. We get the things we want.
How do you feel about carrying a gun?
I'm comfortable with it. What do you mean by that question?
Well, I know that to me, the gun is ultimately an object designed to seriously injure or kill. In my life I can't imagine a time where I would ever need that.
I can tell you that every normal police officer hopes that he will never have to use his firearm. You train with your firearm at least 4 times a year, and you try to stay proficient on it, in case that you might have to use it.
But most, I'm gonna say normal police officers, ones that have their heads on straight, don't ever want to use their gun in a situation where they might have to shoot somebody.
It's just that we're so desensitized by media to the point that watching people shooting eachother on TV doesn't cause a second thought.
And see, that's why police officers have to carry a gun.
Everyone is so desensitized to the use of a gun that people don't have as much of a problem using a gun on somebody else.
We carry a gun to protect ourselves, the lives of our fellow officers, and the lives of the general public, from death or serious physical harm. We have what you call a "use of force continuum" (laughs) -- don't ask me. Basically it's the level of force you use to the level of threat you have. And it starts with presence, just your presence of being there. And it escalates to verbal commands, physical contact, like escort holds, things like that. Next is physical holds, take down maneuvers, then chemical sprays, batons, less lethal devices such as a bean bag round, and finally lethal force. It all depends on what kind of force we're getting from a suspect. And you don't have to start at the bottom and hit each one. If someone pulls a gun and is going to cause death or serious harm, or has a record, has done that in the past, then you can skip right to the top, to stop that threat.
Have you heard about Portland cops and their recent reputation for using excessive force?
I know that all big city police agencies are usually the focus of the media, and when they're talking about officers that are overreacting, or are brutal, things like that, you don't hear about smaller agencies doing that. And the reason for that, in my opinion, is you have a big city police officer who wakes up in the morning to go to work, and he knows that during his shift he will more than likely draw his weapon at least once during his shift. He'll get into a fight that day. Someone will swing at him, someone will run from him, on foot or in a car. He will deal with people assaulting each other or wanting to assault or kill each other on a daily basis. So they come across it all the time, and they're used to seeing the worst part of society, that's what they deal with a good 90 percent of their time: the worst part of society.
So, then compared to us, when I make a traffic stop, I'm nice to somebody. I'll ask them how they're doing, how their day's been. But when a police officer is used to people assaulting someone or running or being criminal, they're used to dealing with criminals, then they will treat more people as suspects prior to knowing because they have to be ready for the worst. Because they deal with the worst more often. And you know that's unfortunate for the public, 'cause they don't understand, you know, what that same officer might have dealt with a half-hour prior to dealing with them. Someone cranked out on meth, trying to kill somebody.. just as an example. I mean, I'm sure it doesn't make it right in the public's view, but the public doesn't see the whole end of it. They expect to be treated a certain way. And when they're not, then, it can get totally blown out of proportion. But don't get me wrong, I'm not saying all cops are not bad. There are bad cops.
How do you deal with knowing that I smoke pot?
Well, i'll tell ya what. Um.. There are several people that I know in the area that I work that I know smoke pot. They'll even tell me they smoke pot. And you know what? I don't care. They smoke pot on their own time, in the privacy of their own home, and they stay in their house when they do it. They don't sell it in the public, to kids. Then, we won't have any problems.
Makes sense..
I think so. That doesn't mean if I have a reason to go into a house and I see a marijuana plant growing.. It doesn't mean I'm not going to charge 'em for it.
I think it's ridiculous that cigarettes and alcohol are legal in this country while pot isn't. And, like those over-the-top commercials out now about how pot smoking impairs your judgement, people have such an out-of-proportion attitude against it.
Well at one point alcohol was illegal.
Yeah, but only for a few years. And how well was that received in our society? People freaked out!
Well how well is pot being illegal received in our society? I know at least two shops in Bend that sell glass pipes, and you know they're not using it for tobacco. I don't get into arguments with people about whether or not marijuana should be legal. Because right now, it is illegal, and I don't have any control over that. I don't make the laws.
You can ask every police officer in Oregon if they think marijuana should be legal. I know most of them wouldn't answer you. I think most of them would say they don't give a rat's ass whether it's legal or not.
Although on the other hand, in some areas of law enforcement, some circles, marijuana is a very serious issue. It's taken very seriously..
Do you think it would be taken seriously if it was legal? By the law enforcement.. It it was all of a sudden was made legal, was like tobacoo. Do you think it would be serious issue anymore?
I think at that point it would only be a serious issue if there was a problem, if someone crashed their car or beat someone up, did something illegal.
Right, like alcohol.
Definitely.
You know if marijuana was legalized, next year, that's one less law i'd have to worry about. I go onto the next. It's not an issue anymore. There's some laws & rules that I enforce that I don't fully agree with. But I still follow 'em, and I still enforce 'em. There's always gonna be a law or rule or something that somebody's not going to agree with. Seatbelt law: that's one that a lot of people don't agree with. But it's still there. It is a law. So you follow it, and I enforce it.
To sum this up.. I guess this kind of comes back to your first answer.. Ultimately, what do you think the role of a police officer is, and do you think you fulfill that?
OK, I think there's a public answer to that, what the public would answer to that, would be to enforce, as enforcers. That's how the public in general sees law enforcement. And just the name right there... law enforcement. They see them as enforcers, and law enforcement and the whole history of it has been an agency there to protect the public. And that's how I'd like people to see law enforcement: Somebody there to protect the public, from the wrongdoings of the minority of the public that does the wrong thing, that wants to hurt the public.
Do you think that is the case?
I think unfortunately because of the public's view of law enforcement, it leaks over into the police side. And it has over the last, hundreds of years that we've had law enforcement. And slowly it's gotten to a point where that's what law enforcement is there for: enforcement.
Modern day law enforcement is trying to move back to where we're trying to help, be a community service, with customer service classes and skills and ethics classes.
You know, leading away from the brutality and the cops that are basically criminals.. (laughs) themselves.
In starting this essay, I wrote about how we became so different even though we grew up in the same house. How do you think this happened?
You know, from what I remember, you kind of followed a lot of what I did growing up. You know, the dancing, the BMX, the rap music, whatever. That's typical for a younger brother. When you were in highschool, it was shortly after doing the dance instruction together, you kind of realized you didn't have your own identity, you'd been following me. You decided to go your own direction, and you did. That's the way I saw it.
Yeah, that's pretty accurate.
I didn't uh.. Again, the typical older brother, younger brother thing. I think you following me in the stuff that I did, in most cases, irritated me. The older I got, the more mature I got, I finally realized, I mean, I had a blast! I think where it really came to a head is when we did the dance class together.. For me that's where it really kicked in.. I was a mentor, along those lines.. I tried to take that seriously and it meant a lot to me. Unfortunately I came to that conclusion too late, 'cause soon after that you went off and did your own thing. And so I wasn't able to appreciate the other elements.. The bicycling, the breakdancing, your liking the same music I did. All that other stuff I did, we did together, I didn't appreciate that until after the fact
I don't think I did either.
We fought a lot as kids (laughs) ..
I remember periods .. Six months to a year, where we absolutely did not get along.
One that jumps to mind was when I was in my wheelchair (laughs) .. You're opportunity to eliminite my big brother syndrome.. (laughs)
That's right. It's my chance! I'm in charge now! (Laughs)
And I think, ever since that point, for the most part, I support you in anything you do, in any decision you make. And I play you up as a god to people I work with, friends of mine.. your skills, and..
My libido! (laughs)
I mean, there's things you do that I don't agree with, but I respect it.
Well, likewise. I think that's a sign of maturity: to see something in somebody else, something you don't agree with, but are able to accept.
Right. I don't agree, but it's not me. You know, like you were saying earlier about government shoving laws down your throat. In a sense, someone thinking other people should live the other the way you want, it's kind of the same thing.
It's one nice thing about this country: everyone can live the way they want. I mean for god's sake, I'm a cop that likes lowriders and rap music!
